Bitchin' Closets: The Work – Chris, Attorney, District of Columbia

I’ve been to Chris’ place more times than I can count, so I had an idea of what was going on in his closet.  He’s already a very organized person, so I was excited by the challenge of the unexpected.  While the pre-consult plan was for me to help him work on organizing his drawers, during the consult, it was clear to me that we could change how he was storing and organizing in his drawers and closet to meet his goal of maximizing efficiency.  I started going through his bedroom closet, and realized there were things that made more sense in his bathroom linen closet.  Before we knew it, we were knee deep in a full wardrobe overhaul.  How was it, I wondered, that someone so organized actually needed this type of work?

Chris’ Closet Hang-Ups

  • Blank Space. Our first task was organizing Chris’ pants drawer. Once we got it in tip top shape, he had room for 3-4 more pairs of pants. His response? “What are we supposed to do with this blank space?” As someone who has a deep seated dislike of TayTay (but can also begrudgingly acknowledge and appreciate her songwriting talent and catchy hooks), it pained me to realize that she was Chris’ pop culture diagnosis.

Teaching Chris the Process

Chris’ question about blank space gave me a better understanding of his (very well-written) closet goal: Maximizing efficiency while ensuring optimal aesthetics.  He was organized, but not using the space efficiently, and more focused on things “looking uniform” and “matching” than actually managing the space in a functional way.

 
 

See all those boxes in the closet?  Lovely.  Looks great.  Terribly inefficient use of storage space.  Even after we rearranged the drawers and closet, Chris was still hung up on things looking just so.  Don’t get me wrong, I like everything to look a certain way, too, but Chris’ hang up really threw me for a loop.  But hey, at the end of the day, he’s the one who has to live there.  If he would rather have empty, but very pretty, boxes in his closet because he likes how it looks, that’s up to him.  [Bitchy note:  I’m convinced he’ll get sick of it and change his mind.]

His drawers were another story.  Aside from his socks and skivvies drawer, which looked pretty good, all things considered, the rest of the drawers were a lot to handle.  They were packed to the gills with things kind of haphazardly stacked on top of each other.  As Chris does not like folding and finds keeping his drawers in order a real chore, these bad boys took the most work.

Bathroom before 2.JPG

 

His bathroom closet also looks pretty good, right?  

Except it wasn’t functioning for him, and he was having trouble finding what was in there.  Chris was pretty committed to his black totes to hold everything, despite their annoying him.  We took everything out of the drawers, as well as the boxes in his closet, and channelled our inner Tim Gunn, and figured out how to make it work. 

 

Bitch Basics: Hanger Hang-Ups

I have a Goldilocks-like relationship with hangers.  In my years of moving, I've always been looking for something juuuuuuust right to keep things in their place and keep my closet organized and looking good.  In college, I had matching pink plastic hangers.  They were uniform and didn’t take up a ton of space, but things fell off of them all the time.   After I graduated from law school, I decided to be fancy and start using wooden hangers.  Wooden hangers were uniform and held things up better than my pink plastics, but took up way too much space in my tiny closet, and cost more than was reasonable on my public service salary and student loan budget.  For a while, my closet was a mishmash of pink plastic and wood, and I was constantly frustrated by the lack of space and things falling on the floor.

One day, on a whim, I picked up a 10 pack of velvet hangers at TJ Maxx.  “Hrmm,” I thought, “I wonder how these will work with my stuff?”  Fast forward a half hour:  my closet was ripped apart, and I was back at TJ Maxx buying every velvet hanger I could find.  A few hours later, it felt like my closet had doubled in size.  I had so much more space!  Dresses weren't falling on the floor!  I could hang up stuff that otherwise had to fit in drawers!  Victory was mine.  Three years and two moves later, velvet hangers and I are still going strong.  #TrueLove

Not everybody has the same strong feelings I have about velvet hangers, or hangers in general.  (I don’t get it, but I accept it.)  However, when trying to overhaul your closet, hangers are a great place to start thinking about how you can change the space.  On my Goldilocks journey to velvet hangers, I realized I had some specific requirements for my hangers:

  • They need to look uniform so that everything hangs at the same level;
  • Clothes need to stay on them, not fall off;
  • They need to conserve space since closet real estate is at a premium;
  • They can’t break the bank.

For me, velvet hangers are it.  For you, it might be wooden hangers.  Or plastic.  Or those silky padded ones that my grandma uses to hang her nighties.  But I think we can all agree on one thing; in terms of keeping our closets in tip top shape, Mommie Dearest Joan Crawford was on to something:

Bitchin' Closets: The Consultation – Chris, Attorney, District of Columbia

Chris and I met in law school and have been friends for six years.  I sat behind him in one of our classes, and decided I would become his friend.  I know, it sounds weird.  But I was a transfer student, I didn't know anyone, and I just got a good vibe from him.  And I'm nothing if not goal oriented.  One day, I decided to strike up a conversation, and the rest, as they say, is history.  

Chris is an attorney for the federal government with a fantastic wardrobe (truly, the damage this man can do at Brooks Brothers is nothing short of impressive) and an already impeccably organized closet.  We share a love of shopping, brunch, fabulously campy TV, and the pretzel stand at Eastern Market.  So if his closet is so impeccable, why did he need me?  The truth is, I'm not sure he thought he did, and I'm not sure I thought so, either.  But it was a challenge, and I think the results surprised both of us.  

When working with clients, I ask them to fill out a questionnaire before the consult so that I'm prepared for what they want, and they're prepared for what they're getting into.  Join me in reminiscing on Chris' consultation.

Chris' Closet Conundrum

We've all got issues.  What are yours?  What are you looking to get out of this?  Maximizing closet efficiency while ensuring optimal closet aesthetics.  [Bitchy note:  Oooh, look at you and your fancy lawyer writin'.]

How much space are we working with?  How many closets?  Walk-ins or not?  Drawer space?  1 closet, probably 3-4 feet deep and 7-8 feet wide and tall.  1 dresser with 3 drawers.

Any pet peeves?  (For example, do you want everything hanging in your closet because you hate folding stuff and putting it in drawers?)  None that I can think of.  [Bitchy note:  Not true; you complain about using drawers.]

Any strong opinions about what you want or don't want?  (For example, do you happen to love wooden hangers?)  I like everything to look uniform.  [Bitchy note:  Understatement of the century.]  And the more wooden hangers the better!  :)  [Bitchy note:  Don't make me go Mommie Dearest on your ass.]

Anything else I should know?  Nope.

 
 

I looked at Chris' closet as a challenge because I've seen it before, and knew that it looked great.  However, he was frustrated by his inability to use his chest of drawers efficiently.  I showed him my drawers (not those drawers, you perv), and we agreed I was in a position to help.  What started as a quick consult morphed into a transformation of his drawers, his bedroom closet, and his bathroom linen closet.  

What did I get myself into?  

Bitch Basics: Movin' Out and the Pre-Move Purge

I hate moving.  Since moving away to college when I was 18, I’ve lived in 12 different places.  12 different moves.  When I did the math on that, I had to do it thrice just to be sure I wasn’t crazy.  How did I move 12 times?  And how did it never get any easier?

Part of why it never felt easier is because I never made the time to purge my place before packing.  Moving is overwhelming, and thinking about editing down your possessions while at the same time packing them up and taking them elsewhere is daunting.  However, before my latest move, I took a long, hard look at everything in my apartment.  Part of this was to be more efficient; part of it was because I had to put my things in storage for eight weeks, and I didn’t want to pay more than I had to.  Some may call it cheap; I’m choosing to call it practical.  Whatever you call it, it totally changed the way I look at prepping to move.

Normally, like I’m sure most people do when moving, I basically throw everything into boxes (albeit in a very organized fashion), tossing things in the trash here or there, but not really thinking about why I’m putting it in that box, and why more isn’t going to the trash.  Never again. 

 

Would that we could all look as fierce as Peggy Olson when movin' out.

Would that we could all look as fierce as Peggy Olson when movin' out.

 

Why do a pre-move purge?  There are a lot of reasons, but here are those that I think are best:

  • It means you have less stuff to move!  Moving already sucks, so why move more?
  • It also means you have less stuff to unpack!  See above.  Why make it suck more?
  • If you’re putting things into storage, it can end up saving you money.  The more you store, the more you pay.  Why spend money storing things about which you no longer care?
  • If you’ve hired movers, it can also save you money.  The more stuff they have to move, the longer the move will take.  Save yourself the money, honey!
  • You might be able to consign or donate things you decide to purge.  Consignment is cold hard cash; donations are tax write-offs.  Get that money, honey!

 

 

When I thought about packing and purging in terms of my paycheck, it forced me to get serious.  And boy did I.  I tackled the purge the same way I tackle a routine closet edit:  I started with the why. When I spent the time to stop and think about why I was moving things, it made me realize that I was packing things because it was easier to put them in a box than it was to think about them.  That, to me, was a stupid reason to spend money that could be put toward something more worthwhile, such as my student loans, or shoes, or brunch. 

Nothing sounded less appealing to me than doing something in addition to packing to move, and then tacking on potentially consigning or donating on top of that.  But, I realized the little extra time would be worth it.  It would definitely save me money, and also had the potential to help other people via donation, and make me money via consignment.  Ultimately most of what I ended up purging didn’t wind up being consigned, but I made a little bit of money, and saved myself a lot.  I ended up getting rid of 5 or 6 moving boxes worth of items (both clothing and home goods).  That meant 5 or 6 boxes that didn’t have to be stored and moved.  That’s how it’s done, bitches.

Bitchin' Closets: Closet Hang-Ups

I am a font of useless pop culture knowledge.  My brain should fill itself with important things that would add some sort of value to the world, but instead, all of my grey matter is filled up with things that are great at trivia night but serve no other real purpose.  Until now.

 

When working with a client, something will happen as we're working, and the client's needs become clear to me via the title of a song.  While it seems a little silly, I realized that these random spurts of musical inspiration actually help me work through a client's issues.

In the Bitchin’ Closets series, each client will have a diagnosis of sorts, which I’m calling closet hang-ups.  (Shout out to Katie for coming up with the name!)  Closet hang-ups are the client’s main issues that we’re going to work on fixing.  Hang-ups are different than goals:  goals are what you want to get out of the process; hang-ups are what's been standing in the way of making goals possible.  

Like the U.S. Constitution, the list of hang-ups is a living document (Come at me, originalists.), and when a new hang-up is discovered, it will go on the list.  For now, here are the basics:

  • Let It Go – This is probably the most common issue, and the easiest pop culture reference to make. For whatever reason, it’s hard to get rid of stuff. We all have attachments to certain things in our life, and sometimes we have to figure out why. Let It Go doesn’t involve getting rid of everything, but it instead figuring out whether things are worth keeping.

  • Blank Space – This one confounds me a little, because I love having lots of empty, uncluttered space. However, some people feel the need to have every nook and cranny filled with things. I’m not saying they’re hoarders, but I’m saying that if left untreated, in a few decades they might end up buried under old copies of The New Yorker and a few flattened cats.

  • On Display – Because I’m convinced that reality TV has induced this particular affliction, I thought it only proper to use an anthem by a Bravolebrity. This hang-up makes people want to emulate closets like Kardashians or Real Housewives of Wherever. The closets on these shows are aspirational, for sure, but not realistic or practical for most of us.

  • I Want It That Way – Type A people such as myself tend to suffer from this one. This hang-up pertains to people who are frustrated with the way their closet is laid out or constructed, and spend a lot of time analyzing how they could have laid out the space differently or better. At some point, you have to get out of your own way, accept that the space is what it is, and work with what you’ve got.

  • My Way – Similar to, but more extreme than I Want It That Way, My Way is a hybrid of both wanting your space to be different, but also wanting everything in the space the way you think it should be even though it doesn’t work. This one is a little less “Get out of your own way” and a little more “Get over it and stop being a brat.” (I think Frank Sinatra would approve.)

  • Not Ready to Make Nice - Some people want to have organized, put together closets, but they aren't in a place to do the work. I've found that it has a lot to do with feeling overwhelmed about changing the way one is used to doing things, even if the way things are being done makes the person annoyed or unhappy.

  • You May Be Right - Sometimes people need to be convinced that there are better ways to do things. I'm not saying that my way is always the right way, but often, when people are open to trying different storage or organizational methods, they come around to doing it a way that works better for them in the long run.

Bitchin' Closets: A Walk Through the Process

Urban Dictionary defines “bitchin’” as “good, fucking great, awesome,” and alternatively as “whinghing, complaining.” PERFECT. Because that’s what this is all about.

Bitchin’ Closets is a blog series about the process of working with clients on their closets and spaces.  It will follow them from consult to completion, and contain before and after photos, a detailed accounting of the client's closet hang-ups, and a guest post from the client all about the process (hopefully telling you how bitchin’ their closet is!). 

Maybe it’s a dated term, but we’re redefining bitchin’ here. To wit:

  1. Verb - the act of organizing a closet with The Bitch & The Wardrobe. (“I can’t come to brunch today, I’m Bitchin’ my closet.”)

  2. Verb - the act of discussing the Bitchin’ process. (“Did you read the Bitchin’ Closets blog post? They talked all about how much stuff they threw out. And those velvet hangers. Girl!”)

  3. Adjective - praising an organized space. (“Oh my god, your closets are bitchin’!”)

Come along, friends, and get bitchin’ with me.

Bitch Basics: Closet Tips for Basic Bitches

Let’s get something straight:  the term “basic bitch” need not be a pejorative.  If we can take the term “bitch” back (which goodness knows I’m trying to do), so too can we reclaim the “basic bitch.”  So what if you like UGGs and pumpkin spice lattes?  There are worse things in the world.  But when I say we need to reclaim the term, I think maybe we need to redefine it.  In the world of B&W, basic bitches are bitches who just want to get back to basics, to get down to brass tacks, to get stuff done. With that definition in mind, I hereby declare myself a basic bitch.

Bitch Basics are going to be exactly what they sound like:  basic tips and tricks for tidying up your space and keeping it that way.  I’ll tackle riveting topics, such as:

  • Velvet vs. wooden hangers
  • The deceptive cruelty of built-in shelving
  • Superior shoe storage
  • Fabulous folding techniques
  • And much, much more!

I know, you can hardly contain your excitement.  Have a glass of wine to take the edge off.  Calm?  Great.  Bitch Basics will also talk about wild and crazy things like:

  • Consignment
  • Donation
  • Maintenance of shoes and handbags

The bottom line is that all of this stuff seems like it’s common sense, but that’s the thing about common sense:  it’s not all that common.  And if these things were all common sense, then I wouldn’t have worked on 5 friends’ closets in the past 3 months (highlights coming soon!), and there wouldn’t be boards devoted to this sort of stuff on Pinterest.  Bitch Basics are  my way of organizing all these issues and their potential solutions in one helpful place for you, because as we all know:

Hey world, here I am!

I'm going to start my foray into blogging with a disclaimer:  I am not a blogger.  I am a blog enthusiast, to be sure.  I love reading about food and fashion and feminism on my hour plus commute to and from work every day.  But I’m not a blogger.  I don’t have anything to say or that the world needs to hear... except, maybe...  

I left my sleepy rural town and went off to the city for college in the early aughts; I have moved twelve (12!) times, and lived in various cities since.  I've called the District home for almost seven years, and have moved a whopping five times since I've been here.  All twelve of my living spaces were quite different, but all had one thing in common:  too little closet space to house my (too much) stuff.  Over these many moves, I've refined not only my wardrobe and my style, but my way of organizing and storing everything, keeping my place in tip top Type A organizational shape.  And now here I am, breaking into the world of closet-based organizational blogging.  Buckle up, get rid of your wire hangers, and welcome to The Bitch & The Wardrobe.